One of the most brilliant New Zealand satirical blogs is Wellington’s The Dim-Post, written by the talented Danyl Mclauchlan. Today Danyl posted a comment on my blog that is so good, it deserves the prominence of an article of its own.
It followed Ian Wishart posting a “the police are corrupt, corrupt, corrupt and I can prove it” retort to my article about New Zealand being declared the most corruption-free nation on Earth by the independent agency Transparency International.
Danyl’s response deliciously took the piss out of both Ian and me. This is it:
Arguing with Ian:
Poneke: Statistics show that Blenheim is the sunniest place in New Zealand!
Ian: Sunniest? You don’t know what you’re talking about! I drove through Blenheim a few days ago and it was overcast. What do you say to that?
Poneke: But it’s usually sunny. Its sunnier than most places.
Ian: I’ve just spoken to a private detective who does extensive work in Blenheim. He will sign an affidavit to the effect that it rained all last week in Blenheim.
Poneke: Well . . . it is winter.
Ian: Ah! So you admit that you were wrong!
Poneke: I’m not saying it never rains in Blenheim, I’m saying it rains there less than most other places.
Ian: So now you’re twisting your words to try and change your argument.
Poneke: I’m not . . .
Ian: I have sworn testimony from deep cover intelligence operatives working as prostitutes in the Hawkes Bay. They have proof that the sun shone for three consecutive weeks in Hastings and Napier during late February and early March. Poneke has said that these places have no sunshine at any time. How do you explain their testimony? Are they liars?
Poneke: Obviously it shone there in February. But in Blenheim . . .
Ian: Furthermore deep in the rainforests of the Otago plains live a lost tribe of immortal Maoris – who have taught me their language which pre-dates the Tower of Babel – and they have records stretching back over five thousand years; they record over one hundred solar eclipses during that time in which no sunlight fell on Blenheim whatsoever.
Poneke: But that’s insane – a solar eclipse doesn’t. . .
Ian: Poneke you have changed your story five times now in a desperate attempt to cover up your profound ignorance of these facts. You have failed to refute my evidence and have resorted to gross character assassination instead of rational debate.
Poneke: I am late for my bus.
15 Comments
September 30, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Yes! I chuckled with delight when I saw it in the thread, and showed it to my husband, who thought it was very, very funny too.
Danyl is a gift to us.
October 1, 2008 at 12:20 am
[...] has captured such a comment and put it up as a post “The kind of humour I wish I could write…“. I’m not a writer but this parody comment definitely resonates with [...]
October 1, 2008 at 1:10 am
I’m not surprised he took the proverbial out of you Pons – you asked for it with your ridiculous assertion that kicked off the whole farce, that “no police officer in NZ has ever been corrupt” (if you can mischievously paraphrase me P, I can return the favour).
Danyl, incidentally, has been forced to retreat to satire because his attempts at genuine logical argument often go astray.
Still, there’s hope for Dim…it’s like they say, it’s not the size of your intellect that counts, it’s how you use it…
October 1, 2008 at 6:57 am
it’s like they say, it’s not the size of your intellect that counts, it’s how you use it…
Ian – I’d suggest that you are screwed either way then.
October 1, 2008 at 8:54 am
Is Ian fully serious or playing along with the joke? Ah, who knows, he’s still a joke either way.
October 1, 2008 at 9:47 am
Remember too that Wishart believes in the literal truth of the bible as well, all proved down to the last fullstop
October 1, 2008 at 9:53 am
Remember too that Wishart believes in the literal truth of the bible as well, all proved down to the last fullstop
And your point is? This thread has no connection with religion.
If you read this blog’s comments policy you will see it says:
– Comments should be relevant to the article.
I also note you did not use a full stop at all, while Ian invariably does.
October 1, 2008 at 10:17 am
Ian,
I see in the paper this morning that it’s going to snow on Mars.
See, you’re right climate change is a myth!
Carry on the good work.
October 1, 2008 at 10:37 am
If I’m being yapped at by the intellectual vertically-challenged people of the blogosphere like Robinsod and Ghostie, I must be doing something right, to purloin Dim’s take on it.
Bill, it’s snowing somewhere closer to home as well, but arguably not in Blenheim.
October 1, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Ian – Got any more information on the moon landing hoax. Have you found out what hollywood studio they shot it in?
October 1, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Ya see, there’s another example of the fruitbatocracy who inhabit the tree branches this blog.
QtR, if I can point you gently in the direction of this story from Investigate:
http://www.investigatemagazine.com/jan3moon.htm
You will notice something – it DEBUNKS the moon landing conspiracy theory.
The fruitbatocracy have consistently thrown around a total fabrication about my stance on the moon landings.
Evidence, again, that the state-educated Left have serious problems with written comprehension.
Surely, Poneke, you’ve got smarter readers than the ones who’ve shown up so far? This is easier than shooting fish in a barrel.
October 1, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Yeah! Ian’s right! Overthrow the fruitbatocracy! Chimpeach the chimperor! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
Can we now stop feeding the troll?
October 1, 2008 at 3:39 pm
“. . . the state-educated Left have serious problems with written comprehension.”
Darn tootin’. Having never attended anything but Sunday school, I, along with my caprine brethren, come and go across the rickety bridge of online discussion without doing anything to excite the attention of whatever might lurk beneath.
October 2, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Pffft, we all know it’s actually Nelson who is the sunniest city, Blenheim only managed it this year but Nelson is more often the sunniest city
October 3, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Puh…lease!
Greymouth is the sunniest place in New Zealand. I have an affidavit signed by a very intelligent weka that proves it.